Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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