if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
