Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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