His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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