I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
