remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
