i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
