my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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