you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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