it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
