is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
