Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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