You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
