I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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