I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sober January is a disaster.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
