we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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