I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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