the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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