So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
