ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
