i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
