How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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