I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
