I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
