i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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