Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
