I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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