you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
