She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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