My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
