I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
