In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
