Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...