what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.