The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
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she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.