When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
