im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.