The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
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filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway