Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
