Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.

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(661): View more from California

i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.

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(850): View more from Florida

Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(440): View more from Ohio

So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...

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(817): View more from Texas

Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.

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