What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
