I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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