I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
