I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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