a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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