My boss' voice literally gives me gas
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
