evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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