i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
