In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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