I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
