You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
