so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
