so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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