He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
