eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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