Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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