just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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