Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
