last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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