i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
