Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How does one acquire holy water?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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