Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
