Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
