Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
