Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
