matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
