and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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