We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
