He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we made out on top of his cat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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