My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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