i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she peed on how many people?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
