is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
