"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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