what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
