i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
