are you so shy because you have an std?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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