I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
